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Transcription:Cobra's PSA
the Emmy Awards, a G.I. Joe PSA of Roadblock talking to two children is shown on the big screen. Roadblock: I don't know why a 7-year-old would need to deep fry a turkey, but know you know how. Children: And knowing is half the battle. PSA ends with the "G.I. Joe" jingle. Host: And the Emmy for "Best PSA by a Paramilitary Organization" goes to... G.I. Joe, for "Don't Be a Turkey on Thanksgiving". G.I. Joes clap, and Duke kisses Scarlett before he heads up with Roadblock to collect their award, while COBRA Commander and Destro watch on from the cheap seats. COBRA Commander: Look at them, Destro. The Joes churn out pedestrian advice to dead-eyed children, and the public eats it up! (mocking the Joes) "Hey, kids, don't play with fallen electrical lines." Reads like a dispatch from the no-shit clinic. Destro: I'll get the nerve gas. COBRA Commander: No, you fool. We'll beat them at their own game. (clenching his fist) We'll create our own PSAs! to COBRA Commander, Destro, Dr. Mindbender, and the Crimson Twins in the briefing room at COBRA Headquarters COBRA Commander: OK, OK, let's just throw some ideas out there. This is a safe creative place. Dr. Mindbender, go. Dr. Mindbender: Well, I thought our PSA could communicate an idea non-verbally. I've discovered that painting directly on celluloid creates a sort of "tone poem". COBRA Commander: Holy shit, that's sounds terrible. I'm sorry, safe place, but holy shit, that was fucking dumb. Next! Baroness enters the room. Baroness: Oh, I forgot you guys were in here writing. I was just looking for a hammer to hang my degree in screenwriting from Aberdeen. Anything I can do for you while I'm in here? (looks at Destro) Destro? Destro: She's actually really funny, you guys. COBRA Commander: Hey, you lost me at "She's". Fuck it! We're doing it without a script. to the set of COBRA's PSAs, as Destro supervises, Storm Shadow is having his makeup done by one COBRA soldier, and two more soldiers move a camera. Dr. Mindbender enters the set with a group of children. Destro: Dr. Mindbender, you found four young children for our PSAs. Dr. Mindbender: Uh, yes. (puts his arms around the children) That is what these kidnapped children are for. COBRA Commander: (talking to Storm Shadow, who is reading his lines) OK, Storm Shadow, these two children will be running with scissors. Now, this upsets you, and you... Storm Shadow: Why? COBRA Commander: It's dangerous to run with scissors. Storm Shadow: I run with Katana. Is that not dangerous? COBRA Commander: (sarcastically) Wow, I hadn't thought of that. Excellent point, Storm Shadow. (whispers to Tomax) Get this piece of shit off my set! of the children runs past, giggling while running with scissors, but ends up getting killed by Storm Shadow. Storm Shadow: Well, COBRA Commander, it looks like I owe you an apology. COBRA PSA: Serpentor telling children about using supplies only at the post office. Serpentor: So, remember, only take supplies if you'll use them for post office business. Any other use is a felony. Boy: Now I'm aware. Serpentor: (putting his arms around the children and smiling) And awareness is the second 50% of the conflict in question. beat. Serpentor: Somebody say fucking "Cut"! COBRA PSA: COBRA Commander tells children about the joys of reading. COBRA Commander: And I think you'll find it's not hard to read when you take the time to sssssssssound it out. children giggle. COBRA Commander: Oh, yesss, I've got a sssmall ssspeech impediment. children laugh. COBRA Commander: (irate) It'sss not funny! (removes his mask, as the children scream and run away, only for the Commander to shoot them dead) Shut. It. Down. the next Emmy Awards... Host: And the Emmy for "Best PSA by a Paramilitary Organization" goes to... G.I. Joe, for "Don't Star in a COBRA PSA". COBRA Commander: (shaking his fist) What? Destro: (shouting over to the troops) Pump the nerve gas! Category:Transcriptions